Still grumbling

Today was not the back on track day I said it would be.
It's that time of the month so i'm crampy and grumpy and craving every food in existence. 
And i've eaten close to that too.
Here's my pledge for the rest of the day;
- I wont eat the corn flake cookies mum just baked
- I wont over eat at dinner time
- I wont finish that solo on my desk, infact i will throw away the rest
- I wont have any snacks between now and dinner, or between dinner or bed.

That is realistic and fair and i should be able to manage it.

As for tomorrow;
- I will stay within my points
- I will get 30mins + of excercise

It's not the end of the world, it's just some food and drink.  But I don't want to be this miserable person forever, so I need to make the neccessary changes.  And those changes aren't even that hard or detestable :)

Grrrr

Well, i had like, 2 good weeks of super excercising-liza.  And then I think because i worked my butt off and had no weight loss... and had all these social situations with people going 'yeah, eat maccas, drink alcohol, have chips at the bbq etc' I sort of went of the rails.  No crazy binges or anything (yet), but for a couple weeks i haven't exxcercised regularly, tracked my points or contribute on the message boards.

So, tomorrow it's back to it.  I just have to keep getting back on this horse untill it stops kicking me off.

Excercising, and loving it ;)

Well i've finally gotten into excercise and it seems to be helping!

I started by focing myself to go to the gym and after one good long session, i just wanted to keep going back.  And then i wanted to do classes to up the intensity! I tried rpm and loved it but today my butt is very sore! But i can't wait to go back.

Monday i am doing my first pump class and i am nervous but excited.  Today i had a day off to recover from rpm and it was hard. My day doesn't feel complete and i spent most the afternoon thinking 'oh maybe i'll just go for ___ minutes'.  But i know i have very real physical limitations and bad joints and back and do not want to hurt myself by going too hard too soon.  Back to the gym tomorrow though :) :) :)

Glandular fever

So my gastro which turned into a sinus infection proceeded to tonsilites and turns out i have galandular fever.  i'm not surprised, a girl who i work with a lot has it.  But i am a little annoyed about being sick again.  Seems there's always something stopping me from excercising...

I have new orthotics at last, hooray, so my feet should be hurting less, and i need to buy myself some new shoes.  My podiatrist informed me that my trusty old sneakers are infact dead :( Oh no.  So that's a cost i don't really want to face to be honest!  but it needs to be done

I'm also thinking about switching back to online and giving it a proper crack, because i need to tighten my budget a bit!

starting to feel a little better

Today i'm starting to feel a little better and a little more in control.
I've stuck to my points for a few days in a row now.  My gastro has subsided, which has been immediately followed by a sinus infection, haha.  But that is the life of Liza, i'm almost always sick in one way or another.  Hopefully that's something that'll improve as i lose weight!

I think i even lost a little weight this week (not sure, i was still out of it when i weighed myself yesterday and didn't pay enough attention to the scales to remember it!). 

So i've avoided weight watchers meetings for WEEKS because i've been so scared of seeing that gain on the scales again.  But next week i just have to bloody do it.  Don't let me get away with makign an excuse and staying home!!!

I also need to start bloody excercising.  Why does all excercise i feel capable of doing seem boring? And everythign else too hard and embarassing? Tomorrow i must must must go for a swim after work!

Feeling a little crushed

Yesterday i managed to stick to my points and today i've been feeling very unwell so haven't eaten much at all so i'll be under my points.  Apart from that, yesterday I realised that taking the time to cook food makes me less obsessed with it.  Like just preparing it is part of the satisfaction.  See my mum was really sick yesterday and i decided to try to make a chicken casserole before i went to work so the rest of my family woudl have food when they got home.  And that took up a couple hours of my day, trying to come up with a recipe, doing the shopping and the cooking (because i had no idea what i was doing, hehe).  While i was doing that, i didn't snack uncontrollabley or bother obsessing over what i was having for lunch.  When i did finish, i had a healthy snack of a yogurt and later a balanced lunch.  So i think that's an interesting discovery.

Now, as for the reason i'm feeling crushed... yesterday afternoon, after tossing up wether or not to for hours, i decided to let people know on the weight watchers boards that there's a family picnic day this sunday to show support for equal marriage rights in Australia.  I didn't express my opinion on gay marriage rights nor did i ask anyone else to, i just wanted to let anyone who cared know that there was a support event on this weekend because it hadn't really been advertised much.

I was so happy to see a lot of support, but the few negative comments got me a bit down.  And then today i logged on and the posts had doubled! Someone went a bit off the handle and started saying gays are disgusting and deserve no rights, and then abusing Kaz and the rest of us for being 'fat' and 'disgusting'! (Kaz, i am so so so so so so sorry) I feel so sick and horrified and REALLY really upset that this happened in my thread!  It makes me wish I'd never made it... but then part of me knows that i can't let this horrible person make me think like that.

I just hate so much that I tried so hard to be polite and peaceful and inoffensive - and it still turned out absolutely horribley. 

I am SO sorry to anyone who was offended by anyone in my thread.

They also said they reported my thread

Still trying to get back control

I'm still not quite there this week but today has started out well

I've been working different shifts lately.  I'm only a casual so i'm used to short shifts, and evening shifts.  But last week and this week i've been working 7am till 3pm.  And i foud i woke up at 6, ate breakfast, and was hungry again by 9:30am-10am - But I don't get a break untill noon.  So by that time I'm starving.  And I've spent all day on my checkout thinking of all the healthy food options i can buy - up untill 11am.  After that, i'm just thinking abotu eating anything, and as much of it as i think i can get away with buying without looking too ridiculous.

So it's a bit tricky to manage my hunger levels like you're supposed to with weight watchers when working just doesn't allow it.  Last week i was even able to sneak in an apple bar between customers, but this week they've altered the checkouts and i'll no longer be able to do that.  So i'm going to be starving for a good part of my morning. So i'm not really sure how to tackle this problem.  Any ideas would be appreciated.

Anyway, I think that's enough whinging.  I'm thinking of starting swimmign again, because by the time i finish work, i do feel i could do some excecise - but nothing which requires me to stand! And that rules out most forms!  I plan to attend a weight watchers meeting for the first time this wednesday.

I'm already nervous.

Also, here are some recent pictures from last weekend at the show.

I regret pulling this silly face in the first one :p

Back to it

Since my first blog I've been half there.  Half planning food, half tracking and half giving a damn.  But then the other half is pretty terrible and I'm getting nowhere fast.  Last night I basically decided I couldn't handle who i was turning back into anymore and re-announced ot my friends my intention to lose weight (on facebook).  So now they all know I feel like I can't hide and pretend.  So today's started out well, and I feel like if I can just make it one day within my points then i'll have the strength to do it the day after as well.  And keep going untill it's habbit and instinct again.

Hello there...

Well, I've seen so many other great blogs on the Weight Watchers boards over the last few years and I've been feeling a little in need of support lately, so I thought I might give it a shot too.

So hi! Those who know me know I'm LIza, a 20 year old girl working on completing a degree in Psychology, human resource management and industrial relations. I've been overwieght my whole life, and I've decided I don't always want to be. My body as it is does not reflect who I am, and I want to be all that I am capable of. I want to be healthy and free and make the most out of life.

I started Weight Watchers in June 2007 (If i remember correctly). I lost weight fairly easily with the help of reductil. I went from 130kg to 100kg in a year. However, apparently, I didn't learn to change the way i was thinkng about myself, food, or my lifestyle, because when i was no longer able to take the drugs, most of that weight came back on in the next year, while i struggled with denial and didn't acknowledge what was happening.

I still struggle with an 'all or nothing' attitude. I will be 'perfect' for a week, and then terrible for the next, with my weight going up and down 2kg a week. And that's what i want to work on changing, i want to find a healthy balanced attitude to life. I want to learn to enjoy being active. And find a healthy life for myself.

I have some fantastic people in my life who are very helpful. I have good friends and family. My big sister is a dietician and desperately wants me to be healthy. She knows too well the danger i'm putting myself in, and I really really don't want to go down that road.

Right now, i'm not too sure what i weigh according to the weight watchers scales, i need to find a meeting that i can regularly attend! Working casual at the local store is great for money and convenience, but it makes making meetings difficult working different shifts every week. I'm going to guess around 115 on their scales though, and hopefully i'll have an official weigh in next week.